December 17th, 2018
Now here it comes, the hardest part of all
unchain my heart that’s holding on
how do I start to live my life alone
guess I’m just learning, learning the art of letting go
This short article addresses the hard reality of coping with the disintegration of a relationship. We generally like to address more positive topics here, but the cold, hard truth is that there is a high percentage of us out here as single parents and trying to find happiness with it. Many of us want a lot of things in life, material objects that can symbolize our status and success. Most people dream of owning a house and lot, having a successful career or business, and be part of a healthy and happy family. Aside from property and recognition, people also crave after the security and fulfillment of an intimate relationship. When we think that we have found a good partner, we are overjoyed and believe that life is now complete.
However, when things go wrong and the relationship reaches an end, we go through varied emotions that seem to rip our soul apart. We go through anger, despair, grief, sadness, and depression. We feel lost and adrift, unsure what our next move should be.
There is an even more painful experience than ending a relationship.
People who break-up or end up in divorce still have a chance, no matter how remote, of reconciliation or ending up as friends. But for people who physically lose their partners endure an even more painful separation. The death of a loved one brings about an incomparable level of pain. Losing people who are dear to us leaves us in grief and in confusion about how to go about the next important step: letting go.
Letting go of a relationship that has meant everything to us isn’t easy.
But whether we like it or not, it has to be done if we want to move on. No matter how hard we try, we cannot live in the past nor stay forever in the present. To live, we must move on and look to the future. To truly move on in life, we need to achieve closure from the past.
How do we let go and move on?
Letting go of a relationship involves letting go of feelings and emotions such as anger, animosity and resentment that one may feel towards a partner. One should not bottle up emotions because it may even lead to some health problems. Allowing oneself to grieve over the loss of a relationship may be healthy, but there should be a limit to the amount of time we spend on grieving. While it is normal to be emotionally distressed by the loss of a loved one, it is not advisable to allow one’s self to wallow in grief and sadness — a negative emotional condition that can become a self-defeating habit.
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One should also envision other possibilities and not to dwell on the ‘what-might-have-beens.’ Letting go of a relationship involves recognizing that it was not meant to be and that one should set new goals and start to build a new life. A person in grief must eventually realize that the relationship has run its course and that it is time to let go.
Often, when we have been in a really good relationship for some time, we tend to lose of our identity. Letting go should also mean letting go of dependency. It is something that needs to be learned to enable a person to veer away from over-dependency on others.
To let go of a relationship, we have to get over the fear and anxiety of being alone.
Ending a relationship doesn’t mean that we have to close ourselves from falling in love again. It is true that relationships may entail experiencing some episodes of sadness, but they also come with moments of great pleasure. For many of us, life would not be complete without the combination of both.
Just as it takes two to tango, it also takes two to make a relationship work. One should not dwell on the past and think on what could have done better to make the relationship work. We all have been hurt and life always gives us some valuable lessons that will provide us some guidance for our journey ahead.
When one is ready to let go of a relationship and reconcile with the fact that the past is past, one can experience an enormous weight being lifted off the shoulders. There is a sense of accomplishment that will come out of the whole experience, making us a better person.
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